Saturday, September 22, 2012


   I have a few secrets that aren't really very secret. I am going to share them with you all, as well as these cookies I made, because I'm awesome. Ready? GO!

  1. I like to hump things. For instance, while Brandon is playing Pokemon on the emulator on his computer, I like to hump his arm. I have had to quell this urge since having Cooper, as I realize that it is not appropriate to teach your toddlers to hump random people and objects, but when he is gone, I get my dry-hump on full force.
  2. I have been to a couple bars, but I do not drink. This has led to some interesting discussion, and I once ordered a root beer float. Sadly, bars do not generally carry ice cream or root beer. I mean, I have a glass of wine at home, or a fruity mixed drink when I'm out, but nothing more than that.
  3. Every time I go to my best friend's house, I inexplicably start craving Chinese food. Not even good, authentic Chinese food, but the cheap mandarin chicken and pork fried rice at the greasy looking place in the Fred Meyer's parking lot. I crave it so bad everything else just tastes sub par, which is funny, because they have some good freaking food for meals at their house. I guess Morgan does too, because the evening after she had her daughter, that was all she wanted.
  4. I play WAY too much League of Legends. It might be a problem.
  5. Sometimes I like to bake things using ridiculous other things just to see what I can make. That is the case with these cookies. They are delicious.
  6. After I've made a few batches of cookies, I usually give up and use the remaining dough to make one GIANT cookie that no normal person should ever attempt to eat all by themselves, especially after eating an entire boxed dinner alone because Brandon made mac 'n' cheese for himself. Still, I am brave enough to make that attempt.
   So these cookies... These cookies are what happens when your neighbor asks you to bake cookies using whatever ingredients you can find between your two pantries, while you're already hungry, and on the mutual understanding that you are a sugar addict. We have been calling them Crackhead Cookies, because they are both highly addictive and a lot out there. There are some things I wanted to add that we didn't have, so I'm going to include them in the recipe, and if you don't like it, well, shut up and put this cookie in your mouth.

Crackhead Cookies
  1. 1 cup room temperature butter, or do what I do because normally I'm too forgetful to take it out and get it to room temperature, and throw it in the mixer on med. speed until it's soft. Remember, these cookies are to be thrown together willy nilly. It's not about perfection. And I need an excuse to not pull out the butter like a good baker would.
  2. 1/2 cup dark brown sugar.
  3. 1/4 light brown sugar
  4. 1/4 white sugar
  5. 2 eggs
  6. 2 cups flour
  7. 1 cup ground super crisp gingersnaps. I used the cheapest tub of them. You know, the ones you can buy in the big plastic barrel at Walmart? Those are great. Throw them in the food processor. I didn't even actually measure the exact amount. I estimated how many would make a cup of powdered gingersnap and threw them in with the flour and other dry ingredients and let the processor run until I had a nice even texture of flour and slightly courser gingersnap evenly mixed. Also, please note I am replacing flour for my cookies with ground up cookies. This is either sick, or awesome. I haven't decided.
  8. 1/2 t baking soda
  9. 1/2 t baking powder
  10. 1 T salt. I know it looks like a lot. Trust me. It's good.
  11. 1 1/2 cups toasted walnuts
  12. 1 cup bittersweet mini chocolate chips
  13. 1 cup mini marshmallows, cut in half
  14. 3 graham crackers, broken into pretty small chunks, like dime size-ish. It's not supposed to be consistent, so if some are smaller and some are bigger, it's cool. I used a knife and my cutting board and tried chopping them. It was fun and effective, but it looked a little silly.
  • Cream the butter and sugars until extremely light and fluffy. More than you've creamed butter and sugar for cookies before in your whole life. I have a stand mixer, so this was easy. I set my Kitchenaid to medium speed and let it run while I did the rest of the things.
  • Mix flour, powdered gingersnaps, baking soda and powder, and the salt. I did this in my food processor. I basically set it to grind and let it run while the butter and sugars creamed and I did other things.
  • Chop the toasted walnuts after they cool. I always burn my fingers trying to do it right after I pull them off the heat. This is a mistake.
  • Add eggs to the butter and beat well. They should be fully incorporated and everything should be evenly mixed. Scrape that bowl, baby!
  • TURN MIXER TO LOW (unless you're like me and love having flour exploded at you and coating your whole kitchen, because I ALWAYS forget to turn the speed down) and add flour. I'd say add it slowly or in parts, but I'm not going to lie, I did not. The cookies were great. It's not important this time. Make sure the mixture is even. 
  • Mix in walnuts, chocolate chips, marshmallows and graham crackers.
  • Let chill for a minimum of 3 hours, or the marshmallows will make a mess all over the cookie sheet when you bake them. Trust me on this. It needs to chill. NEEDS. If you get too impatient, just eat the dough. It's yummy. I'm not telling you to eat raw eggs, but I'm saying I did. I do not regret it.
  • Preheat the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit and lightly grease the cookie sheet or use something non-stick for the marshmallows. Non-stick aluminum is fantastic in this capacity, but alas, I was out.
  • Make doughballs, roughly 2 T, though to be honest I just eyeball it based on how big I want my cookies. Sometimes bigger is better. Do yourself a favor though, and any marshmallow sticking through the dough? Yeah. Cover it with dough. Space cookies 1 1/2 to 2 inches apart and bake for 9 minutes.
   I think next time I make these I might incorporate some toffee or something in them as well. Anyone reading this with a favorite random recipe that you came up with in a moment of sugar-craving-induced desperation, please share it. I love that stuff.

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