Monday, December 31, 2012

Worst Chinese food we've had in ages.

   Brandon got a commission bonus from his work, on a prepaid debit card. We're doing so well, and we weren't expecting the extra money, so we decided to splurge since it wouldn't hurt the budget. We ordered Chinese in, which we used to do every other week or so when we lived in Boise. We had tried almost every restaurant in town, and had a couple we really liked and always ordered from.
   Chinese is one of those few foods you don't mess with. When you find a good place, you stick with it, because odds are you won't find another you like as well. That said, when we moved here to Nampa, we were really upset about having to leave our favorite places a town away, and being outside of their delivery zone. There is a place a couple blocks from our house, but looking at their menu made me cringe, so we avoided it. A few people recommended it, so finally last night we gave it a shot. It was a mistake. It was so overpriced it was ridiculous. The portions were tiny. The fried rice was over cooked, the mandarin sauce was cloyingly sweet with an acrid, bitter after taste. The chicken was soggy. The chow mein was basically celery in a thick white sauce with a couple shreds of pork on top. No noodles. It was just bad. Never again will we order from Hong Kong restaurant. It was dismal.
   I'm excited to move out of this town. I want to go back to Boise until I'm done with school. We're working on having the funds to move this summer, but in case we can't, we're moving next summer at the latest. I'm worried about a new baby in this house though. We don't have a bath tub, air conditioning, or much room. We'll make do, I'm sure, but it's not something I'm looking forward to living through if need be. Hopefully after buying a car and all the baby stuff we need, we'll have enough to move into an actual house, with a fenced yard, where we can stay for the 4 or so years until I'm done with school. I want to be able to get Cooper a puppy in a few years. And I am desperate for a dishwasher. Well, one that's not named Amber, anyway.
   Brandon wants to move, but he's already so stressed about the baby that he's trying not to add any more to his plate, so we're not really discussing it seriously yet. He has said he would like to live closer to his work in Boise, and we've casually looked at houses with our wishlist and gotten an average price. We're looking at  $850 a month on average plus utilities. Once we have a car we can start working out the budget to see when we can move. I can't wait to be back in my old neighborhoods with my old delivery places. Don't get me wrong, I love trying new food joints, but some things you just don't mess with. One of them is Chinese delivery.
   I'm 12 weeks, 2 nearly 3 days pregnant today. Ironically my due date is Brandon's birthday. He didn't believe me at first, but the midwife verified. That means I'll have 2 red babies. A ruby like Brandon and a garnet. Funny how that works out. Life is funny in general.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Planning and budgeting and planning some more.

   So much to do. Always so  much to do. My house was spotless on the 23rd, but it's chaos again after Christmas, and I still haven't caught up. Between the dinner we had here for Inez and Charlie, then the dinner here on Christmas for our friends, virtually every dish in our home was dirtied, and must be washed and dried by hand. Most of them need a good soaking first. I'm getting through them slowly, but it seems like an avalanche of dirty dishes and it gets sort of overwhelming to do 3 loads in a row and not see a dent in the endless stacks. I need to step back and adjust my perspective sometimes and remind myself that progress seems slow now, but by the end of today my kitchen will be clean again. Not just the dishes, but the counter, the stove, the floors... I'll get everything done because it's really not as bad as it looks. Break everything down into smaller, easy to do tasks and suddenly the overwhelming becomes totally doable.
   After that it's time to clean the living room. Cooper has toys tossed about every which way. Silly airhead Brandon often forgets to carry his dishes to the sink after snacking late at night and eating breakfast in the morning, so I have a few more dishes to add to the pile. Friends dropping by leaving coke cans on every horizontal surface because they seem to forget we have a trash can. It's all good though. Easy to remedy with a trash bag and an extra couple minutes. Cooper likes to help clean anyway, as long as I'm not asking for help cleaning up his toys. He likes them out, or something, because he just won't do it.
   I'm going to get 3 loads of laundry minimum done today unless the neighbors decide they need to do theirs. Technically it's not my day, but we have come to the agreement that when one of us needs it, just use it, and if the other needs it as well, take turns. It's a great arrangement. I really like the upstairs neighbors.
   The mom forum I'm part of, CafeMom, has been really entertaining, and from time to time, helpful. Still, sometimes I read things and it makes me so sad. The way people treat each other is not ok sometimes.
   Lately I've been working on the budget. Brandon hates making a budget, and I happen to be good at it. We've learned a lot about money management and financial responsibility over the last few years, and we're applying it, and it feels good. We're getting everything caught up and we're making plans. It's lovely. I've made my baby registry, since everything we had for Cooper we gave to other families that needed it as he outgrew it, but we have a budget that will allow us to get everything on it even if we don't have a baby shower and no one buys us anything. I felt scummy having a baby shower with Cooper, opening gifts and such. I don't really like receiving gifts. So unless someone is dead set on throwing us a shower this time, I'm just going to skip it. I feel like having a second one is just being greedy, since we SHOULD have most of what we need from having Cooper. The fact that we don't is entirely my fault as I am the one that gave everything away, and a practical person would have kept it.
   My Cooper is awake!!! He's growing, so he's been sleeping a lot. I'm so excited he's up! Time to go play!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

We'll be doing it differently next time.

   Yesterday was CRAZY. First of all, I'm going to chew my neighbor out if he ever comes by my house again. Christmas Eve Cooper was getting over being sick, and we finally got him to sleep next to me on the couch. The neighbor comes over at 9:30 (Cooper's bed time) and pounds on the door, making the dog go nuts. Brandon cracks open the door and whispers, because Cooper is on the couch a few feet away, telling Neighbor that Cooper is asleep on the couch and has been feeling icky, so we're not inviting anyone in tonight so he can sleep. He tells him we have plans first thing in the morning and the last thing we need is to have a cranky, sleep deprived baby. Neighbor listens to the whole thing, and then pushes past Brandon anyway and walks into our house trying to talk to me about his new Aryan memorabilia. He knows I disagree with the Aryan philosophy and his whole lifestyle. He just doesn't care. He continues talking, bitching about his family on Christmas, about all the extra housework, about not being able to smoke in his house because of the company.
   Every time he pauses I tell him we're trying to let our sick baby sleep, so he should probably go. He ignores me. Cooper is waking up. I'm clearly getting angry at this point. Eventually I just stop responding to him and stare at the door until he FINALLY takes the hint and leaves. The damage is done though. Cooper is awake. He ended up staying awake until 4am. I was literally so angry I wanted to go next door and punch Neighbor in his loud mouth and tell him to learn social etiquette. Then at 8am Christmas day we were woken up to a semi honking across the street. HAPPY CHRISTMAS! Great way to start the day.
   I ended up not getting to spend the day with Brandon. I missed part of the afternoon with Cooper. Cooper got to see two sets of grandparents, so that was great for him, but I think next year we're going to do the thing with the grandparents on Christmas eve day, and spend Christmas at home. I just didn't get to enjoy the day like I had hoped. We woke up at 8 and didn't stop running until we went to bed. We took Cooper to Morgan's, then I took him to my dad's for 2 hours, then Brandon took him to his mom's for 2 hours, then we drove home and set up all the new toys and put everything together, then I got to work cooking our Christmas dinner for our friends. We ate and it was time to get Cooper ready for bed.
   Brandon came in to get Cooper from my dad's, and said hello, but beyond that didn't have to spend time with them on Christmas, and I did the same with his family, which was nice. I like that we can be nice in the same room but that there are no expectations for us to have to foster relationships with each other's families. Sometimes I miss Brandon's family, but then I remember how toxic it always turns out to be for everyone involved, and this is so much healthier, and it doesn't put Cooper and Brandon in the position of being caught in the middle. Same with Brandon and my family. I guess some people just don't mesh even when they try their best.
   Brandon and I have been talking lately about telling everyone some stuff earlier than we planned, but I'm not sure yet. I'm trying to give him a chance to be comfortable talking about it and tell his family so they don't hear anything from someone else and get their feelings hurt. Last night he pretty much told me to be as open about it as I want and that he would talk to them when they asked about it, so I'm going to just talk about it, even if it's only here. I kind of use this blog to vent and stuff anyway, since I'm alone a lot. I'm going to start telling people about baby number 2. I was going to wait until after Cooper's birthday, when I was in the second trimester and the risk of miscarriage was much lower, but I NEED to talk about it. At first I was really worried, but we're back on track and everything is looking up, so I'm getting excited. We've picked a girl name already. I've been working on the baby registry. I have an appointment on the 3rd. Brandon is still stressed about it, but he stresses about everything he doesn't have a lot of control over, so he's trying to get himself under control and be happy instead of worried.
   I think we're still going to wait until after Cooper's birthday to tell everyone, but it's nice to be able to just talk about it here. Brandon's a great dad, and I love being a mother, so while this was kind of a shock and at first we weren't happy in the least, we're starting to see it as a happy accident, just like Cooper.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Blarg! Finally! Things are happening.

   First, after being wretchedly sick all week, I'm finally able to move about without needing my inhaler and coughing up a lung. There were a few days there where I honestly thought that Cooper was going to rip the house down board by board simply because I couldn't keep up. I still have the remnants of a cough, and a slightly sore throat, but my sinuses have cleared up and the coughing fits are gone, just a little *ahck ahck* here and there. I hate getting sick with colds and things because while puking sucks, anything having to do with a sore throat or cough makes my asthma go nuts. Suddenly I'm burning through my inhaler and trying not to have nightmares about suffocating in my sleep because I don't wake up in time to puff up.
   Brandon's fighting it off now, and Cooper has started coughing a bit and has a terrible runny nose. Brandon's sucking down Emergen-C and I'm pumping both of them with fluids and making sure they spend a lot of time in bed or on the couch under the covers, resting and eating healthy foods. Tonight we're having our Christmas with Inez and Charlie, so I'm going to make veggie tacos and clean the house up before they get here. Brandon was supposed to help, but I figure, I'm getting better while he's just starting to feel sick. Maybe if I just let him sit and relax, he won't get so sick.
   Speaking of Brandon, he and I had a conversation yesterday. I guess I was invited to his family's Christmas dinner, which I totally don't understand. I respectfully declined, though. I don't dislike these people, or want to hurt them. I am just beyond the point where I'll ever be able to act as if we're family or will ever be friendly. Respectful, courteous, yes. Do I love them, you bet I do. I just have distanced myself and it has been a really positive thing for me. It allows me to support Brandon and Cooper's relationship with them without getting torn up and worrying all the time about when I'm going to say something or do something and not be wanted anymore. This way I can view their relationship as a positive and nurture it.
   We've had our phone hooked up for a couple weeks now, and it made me sad that Cooper got to talk to all of his other grandparents at least once a week, but he hadn't talked to Brandon's mom and dad or his brothers yet. Part of our conversation was about having Brandon give them our number or calling them so Cooper could talk to them more often. They get to see him the least of all of his grandparents by far, because we live so far away and it's hard for them to get him, and we don't have a car. Jo and my dad see him every other week or more, my mom sees him about the same, as with Inez. Brandon's family sees him maybe every few months, and that's sad, because Cooper loves them. Brandon caved and called them last night, but Cooper was tired and feeling icky, so he wasn't up for talking long. Still, he talked about Blake for the rest of the night. Haha. We're still hoping we can figure out a way to have Blake over sometime. He's a cool kid.
   I think next time they'll have to talk in the morning when Cooper is at his most chipper. He's a morning person just like me. This morning he got out of bed and sat next to me as I was typing and just started rambling about milk and Santa and Raymond and his bed and showers. It was awesome. Every now and then he'd pause and make his quizzical face and ask me a question, very seriously. He's talking so much now. It's astounding how fast he learns words and how much he picks up when we speak. We have to really watch what we say.
   I'm pretty excited for Christmas dinner! It's going to be so yummy, and so far Aric, OB, and Morgan and Allison are coming. We decided against going out on Christmas eve with Cooper getting sick. We want him to be in tip top shape to enjoy Christmas day with us, and taking him out in the cold the night before is not good for him.
   Time to start deep cleaning for company over the next few days!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Holiday foods!

   It's nearly Christmas, which we celebrate here in my house. I'm really excited. I already got a chance to flex my baking muscles last week when I made some three-bite banana blueberry eclairs for Brandon's training class at work. They were apparently a pretty big hit. Last night I made chocolate chip cookies with my Cooper. We sat up watching Doctor Who and dipping them in the last of the milk, which I have to get more of today so we can eat more cookies. Meanwhile Brandon ate the dough with a spoon. Tonight I'm making caramel corn for the neighbor, since it's a long time coming. He's been waiting ever so patiently. He can't get enough of my salted caramel corn. At some point I also have to make cookies for the LoL contest going on right now. Brandon said he would help me do this one, and we're planning the timeline and thinking of decoration ideas right now. The goal is to have a concrete plan by the end of the week, and start buying supplies. I want to have our entry submitted a couple days after Christmas, well before the deadline, that way if something happens and we're a little behind we won't be too late.
   Along with this cookie contest I'm doing, I'll be making Christmas dinner for my friends that don't have family in the area, and my little family. I'm sure Morgan will stop by, and we're going to have a stocking with gifts for her and Allison all ready for them. OB might come, and Aric. I'm not planning anything huge since we're doing all the family stuff well before dinner. We're still trying to sort out the logistics of it all, but we're having a day with Inez on the 23rd. Then the 24th we're going to my family Christmas party, which we attend every year, and it's the one family function Brandon actually goes to and doesn't mind because my mom's family has a pretty healthy relationship with him and treats him with respect. He knows he doesn't have to go, and I don't make him go to any family functions anymore, but he always comes along anyway, and has a good time, so I'm excited.
   Christmas day we're still trying to figure out. I want to take Cooper to breakfast at my dad's so he has some time with them, and then let Brandon take him to lunch at his mom's so he gets to see all of his family, and we can be home in time for dinner. It's just hard figuring out rides since we can't go to either place together (well, Brandon COULD come to my dad's, but I don't want him to since they just make him miserable), and we have to figure out where the other person would go for a few hours. On Christmas day. That's not such an easy task. Sometimes I wish everyone just got along. My mom's family is easy since they don't want to do the family thing on Christmas day, they want to sit at home with their own kids and watch movies in jammies and eat tons of food, so we just plan on going Christmas eve and there's no issue with figuring out how to juggle everyone. But if everyone could just get along, I'd just have my dad's family and Brandon's family over every year on holidays for dinner here. Never. Gonna. Happen. I've always had to juggle families, between my mom and dad, and my dad and Inez, there was always someone that had to be fit in somewhere else. Now I have another set of people to add to the list. Sigh. It's really too bad for them. I make a mean holiday dinner.
   This year we're having ham with brown sugar and clove glaze, mashed potatoes, rolls, stuffing, deviled eggs, cheese and bacon Brussels sprouts, corn, and carrots. For dessert we're having 3 kinds of cookies, mixed berry, peach, and apple pies with vanilla ice cream, and Brandon's empanadas. I'm also setting out snack trays with pickles, olives, veggies and dip, bread and spinach dip, spicy roasted chick peas, and lefsa. It's a lot of food, but Brandon and Aric are both big eaters, and Cooper will munch on everything. Every year I use the leftovers to make soups and stews, which I freeze in small batches so we can eat it all year. We eat leftovers for a few days with our meals, and everything is right with the world. :D
   Side note, my son just got out of the shower and fell, and landed right on top of one of his little toy Woody figures. He just came running up to me saying, "Mom, it hurts! Kiss it!" So I asked him what hurt so I could kiss it better, and he says, "My peepee. It hurts. Fell on boot guy guy. Kiss it." I didn't. I just kissed his hand and put it right above his junk and said, "There you go! All better!" He grinned and ran off to play. My son cracks me up. Every day there is some funny thing he does or says. He's getting so big.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The joys of motherhood.

   Well, I'm healthy. I have to go get blood work done on the 3rd to be sure, but so far, so good. I'm gaining weight a little too fast, but I was below the healthy weight recommendations for my height anyway, so I'm just going to slow down my eating and remember that for every toaster streudel and milkshake I shove in my gob, I could be eating a tomato sandwich on five seed bread with a glass of orange juice ran through blender with frozen berries and a side of soup (I love clam chowder!). I was told I need to eat more protein rich foods, so I'm also going to find more ways to squeeze that in. I'm not a big meat eater. I'm content with a little bit, one meal a day. I get pretty anemic sometimes and I forget how important getting enough iron is. It would help explain the headaches and drowsiness lately. I get so caught up in other things I forget to take really good care of myself, starting with what I put in my mouth.

   I'm pretty careful about making sure Cooper eats balanced meals, but I rarely eat with him as I use the time to accomplish other stuff, like a load of dishes or taking a shower while I have a spare minute. I tend to get his meals or snacks ready, and pop something fast in the toaster or microwave for myself that I can eat one handed in a couple of bites. I think I'm going to start eating what and when Cooper eats. That should help me get back on a healthy track. I realized yesterday that the only MEAL I eat during the week is dinner. I spend so much time cooking and preparing food, and I don't eat. It's not ok anymore. It's a bad example for Coop and I need to be healthy. I can find that extra 20 minutes to get stuff done elsewhere.

   Speaking of eating, I'm hungry. I think it's time for lunch. Cooper and I are going to sit down and have lunch together today. I'm going to make roast beef and swiss sandwiches with tomato and avocado on tasty five seed bread, and parmesean pasta. Ooh, and milk. We drink a lot of milk around here. Probably too much. We drink about a gallon a day total.

   Dinner tonight will be chicken tortellini caesar salad, left over pasta, and smoothies. My son deserves the best, so that's what he's getting. I'm going to be healthier so I can stick around for a long time, and he's going to grow up in a home where eating right and taking care of oneself is a priority, because I want him around for a long time, too.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Raymond is back!

   We picked our dog up from the pound yesterday. It felt good. He's home now, and we're keeping a very watchful eye on him so he doesn't take off again. I don't know what it is about this little guy, but he loves to wander. He loves to stray from home. We've been accused of being a bad home for him because otherwise he wouldn't leave, but he's escaped from other places as well. My dad's, Brandon's family's house, Morgan's... he's just a wanderer. I could take him on the longest walks and he'd still try to get out and walk himself. The biggest problem with that is he's trusting and friendly and could get hurt or taken by a stranger that may not be a good home for him. He could get hit by a car or beat up by another dog. He also doesn't come home. I don't know if he gets lost, or what, but he doesn't come back.
   My mom had a dog named Jack. He was a minpin chihuahua mix, and he used to pull the same stunts as Ray any time someone took their eyes off of him. He was an awesome dog, but the little guy wanted adventures, I guess. Dogs are weird. Too big for their bodies and too willing to go forth and explore the world, but that's a good thing. People should be more like that, I think.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I am so worried.

   Our little dog, Raymond, likes to wander. And when people come over that fail to shut the door behind him when they go out to smoke, he tends to escape the second he feels we're not paying enough attention. Usually we catch him sneaking out the door, and occasionally we have to make a trek to the park a couple blocks down to collect him. Yesterday afternoon he escaped, and we couldn't find him. He's still not home. I am FREAKING OUT. He's been in our family for four years now. Our son adores him, sleeps with him at night, feeds him in the morning, plays with him during the day, and walks him when we go on our outings. Needless to say, Cooper's been a mess since Ray took off. He looks for him constantly, and won't leave my side or let me put him down most of the time.

   I'm so worried about my little dog. He's such a friendly little thing, very trusting, and I am scared he's going to be picked up by some other family that will take him home and we'll never see him again. I've put ads on Craigslist and called animal control, all the local shelters, and every found ad I come across describing a black dog, and still have no leads. A couple times I thought I was close, and being the emotional, hormonal wreck that I am, I found myself crying just for a moment every time I hung up the phone to a dead end. The Canyon County animal shelter has the most ridiculous policy that they won't take or give descriptions over the phone of dogs that arrive at the shelter, and I have no way of getting there, so I'm hoping a friend of mine can take me or go see if our puppers is there. We're all missing him pretty badly, and it's awful cold outside for such a spoiled little dog. He sleeps on the bed and gets scraps off of our plates between his dog food. It's hard to imagine him out there in the cold sleeping under a dumpster or something, with no food. It worries me a lot.

   Brandon keeps assuring me we'll find him, but I know he's worried too. He loves Ray, even though he's not overtly affectionate like Cooper and I are. Raymond slept at his feet or next to him on the couch all the time. Brandon bathed him and gave him scraps as he cooked when he thought I wasn't looking. I miss my dog. We all do. I so hope we get him back as soon as possible. I know that for some people, it's "just a dog" and all that, but he's part of our little family. An important part. We love him very much. Positive thoughts, people. Positive thoughts.

   We made it through Wednesday, and the weekend will be here sooner than later. That's good. I'm getting so wound up lately, it will be nice to have Brandon home for a couple days to help me refocus and get centered. He's making doughnut holes right this second for his potluck tomorrow. I'm also going to try to bake some stuff and get it out there to him, but in case I can't, I'll be taking his class tasty baked goods on Monday after my appointment. My mom is taking me, and we're getting Morgan and Allison and going to lunch. It feels good to have a positive relationship with my mom. I love her with all my heart, and we're figuring stuff out. I'm trying to include her in all the stuff she wasn't involved in last time, even though we're keeping it all pretty quiet this time until mid-January when the big risk passes and I feel a little safer. I tend to keep things to myself anyway, most of the time, since I've found that including people in what I think and feel tends to bother them or make them wary of me. I'm kind of a weirdy. Everything I do I do with a certain level of reactive intensity. When I'm sad, I'm heartbroken, even if it's just for a second. When I'm happy, I'm ecstatic, even over something tiny. I've found that people either love that quality, or push it away. Sad but true reality. I'm sure I'm not any better, so it is what it is and I'm ok with it at this point. I'm in a good place in my life and with myself. :)

   Brandon should never be in charge of baking or making sweets. He came out of the kitchen giggling, hands covered in dough, talking about how stupid he was. Next he brought me a doughnut hole to try out, and it was raw on the inside, at which point I told him his oil was too hot. Not so yummy, just sayin'. Then he brought in what looked like a long poop. It was very dark. Turns out he tried to pipe the dough like a funnel cake, but having not taken my advice to turn the oil heat down, the outside burned almost instantly, with the inside oozing out of tiny steam-created holes. My house smells like burned things. I need my inhaler for all the smoke. This is why I do the desserts here. Brandon is a great cook, but a terrible baker. He doesn't understand sweet things or how finicky desserts can be. I knew this was going to be an "adventure" when he said he was replacing 3/8 cups of milk in the recipe with 1/3 and called it close enough. In some things that works. Not in these. Silly man. I'm proud of him for trying though. And I did get 2 good ones out of the whole batch of dough. lol.

   I decorated the tree today. It looks alright. I can't wait to start adding family ornaments on. That's going to make it look better and better every year.

   Tomorrow we should have our phone turned on. It was supposed to be on yesterday, but that didn't happen. Joy. The tech guy never showed up today, so that sucked, but tomorrow I have hope. Tomorrow I'm also hoping we get our fuzzy little dog back, and I can go grocery shopping so I can get some quality baking time in. I get a little restless when I can't flex my baking muscles.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Bah! I'm seconds away from lighting the tree on fire!

   We got our Christmas tree yesterday. Inez took us with my little brother Charlie, and it was really fun. We went to lunch and she even helped us get the tree up and in the base before she left. It's only a 6', but it's really full and fat, with no holes or anything. It's freaking heavy. Last night Brandon got the base on, but the tree was really crooked. This morning Cooper decided to run past it, pushing against it for momentum as he bolted past, and just then it finally decided to topple and almost crush my little boy. He was terrified. My floor was covered in pine-scented sugar water, a couple branches broke revealing gaps through which you can now see the trunk, and I could barely lift the damn thing back up, and readjust the base to make it more balanced.

   When Cooper felled the mighty tree, destroying some of our very small number of ornaments, the water shorted out the brand new Christmas lights we got yesterday, which I had painstakingly swapped the bulbs out of for alternating colors of green and gold, tearing up my fingers in the process. Half of each strand now doesn't work, even after replacing all the dead bulbs. On top of the lights dying out, I can't seem to get Cooper to leave the ornaments alone. Thankfully they are shatterproof. Unfortunately some of them are pretty small, and over half of the ornaments have disappeared since last night. I am on the verge of scrapping the whole tree, drawing a big paper one to hang on the wall, and calling it good.

   I might just light the damn thing on fire. For all the money we're going to spend to replace the broken lights and ornaments, we may was well buy a pre-lit fake tree. I'll just desperately miss that pine smell and fullness of the real branches.

   I know it seems silly to care so much about a tree. Christmas isn't about the tree or decorations or gifts or even the food. Still, it's our first Christmas with Cooper in our own home, the first he can actively participate in, and his last as an only child. I so desperately want to make it special and perfect for him, so we have those memories forever. I also know he's too small to remember, but we're going to take pictures and have keepsakes and basically I'm going crazy, hormone induced emotional, sentimental momma.

   I think what needs to happen now, is we need to wait for Brandon to get home, figure out what we're going to do about the lights, and run to the store for laundry detergent so I can wash clothes tonight. I need to leave the tree alone for a while, take a deep breath, and try my best to forget about how frustrated I am and focus on the good things about the day. My baby is awesome, our bills are almost caught up, I'm getting ready to go back to school, and we have Netflix again, so we can watch the Doctor before bed every night. My life is pretty kick ass.