We got our Christmas tree yesterday. Inez took us with my little brother Charlie, and it was really fun. We went to lunch and she even helped us get the tree up and in the base before she left. It's only a 6', but it's really full and fat, with no holes or anything. It's freaking heavy. Last night Brandon got the base on, but the tree was really crooked. This morning Cooper decided to run past it, pushing against it for momentum as he bolted past, and just then it finally decided to topple and almost crush my little boy. He was terrified. My floor was covered in pine-scented sugar water, a couple branches broke revealing gaps through which you can now see the trunk, and I could barely lift the damn thing back up, and readjust the base to make it more balanced.
When Cooper felled the mighty tree, destroying some of our very small number of ornaments, the water shorted out the brand new Christmas lights we got yesterday, which I had painstakingly swapped the bulbs out of for alternating colors of green and gold, tearing up my fingers in the process. Half of each strand now doesn't work, even after replacing all the dead bulbs. On top of the lights dying out, I can't seem to get Cooper to leave the ornaments alone. Thankfully they are shatterproof. Unfortunately some of them are pretty small, and over half of the ornaments have disappeared since last night. I am on the verge of scrapping the whole tree, drawing a big paper one to hang on the wall, and calling it good.
I might just light the damn thing on fire. For all the money we're going to spend to replace the broken lights and ornaments, we may was well buy a pre-lit fake tree. I'll just desperately miss that pine smell and fullness of the real branches.
I know it seems silly to care so much about a tree. Christmas isn't about the tree or decorations or gifts or even the food. Still, it's our first Christmas with Cooper in our own home, the first he can actively participate in, and his last as an only child. I so desperately want to make it special and perfect for him, so we have those memories forever. I also know he's too small to remember, but we're going to take pictures and have keepsakes and basically I'm going crazy, hormone induced emotional, sentimental momma.
I think what needs to happen now, is we need to wait for Brandon to get home, figure out what we're going to do about the lights, and run to the store for laundry detergent so I can wash clothes tonight. I need to leave the tree alone for a while, take a deep breath, and try my best to forget about how frustrated I am and focus on the good things about the day. My baby is awesome, our bills are almost caught up, I'm getting ready to go back to school, and we have Netflix again, so we can watch the Doctor before bed every night. My life is pretty kick ass.