Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Things that make me emotional... ETA

   Ummm... try everything lately. I'm really starting to panic that we haven't found work yet. Poa is going to be here very soon, and we have nothing. I'm getting Allison's infant car seat from Morgan just to be able to bring the baby home. We're using Cooper's old pack and play for the baby to sleep in when we're not co-sleeping. We don't even have diapers yet. I so desperately wanted to cloth diaper, and I really thought we were going to be able to, but we can't afford the up-front costs, even though in the long run it's so much cheaper. We caved and bought a couple outfits on clearance to get by until we have income. If it ends up being a Penelope I won't need to buy clothes anyway. Morgan saved all of Allison's stuff just in case, and most of it is brand new. If it's an Archer, we're kind of stuck. I'm seriously freaking about not being ready. It's been overwhelming the last few days.
   We still owe the midwives $350. I don't know what we're going to do. I'll have to make a payment arrangement, but I'm not sure how because I don't know when we'll have income again, so I can't really schedule payments. Part of me is terrified I'll have to go to the hospital instead, and have a stranger deliver my baby in a very high-stress setting. I haven't been sleeping well because I have nightmares about it all. I've been trying so hard to be positive, but the time crunch is wrecking me. I haven't told Brandon how scared I am, because he's already so upset and feels like a failure. I don't want to make it worse.
   Yesterday a bunch of my clothes got ruined. I had started the wash, and the neighbor decided to move it to the dryer without saying anything and start it on high without fabric softener so they could wash their clothes. All of the shirts I had that fit are now shrunk and too small. I'm furious. I went down to move it over, and it was almost completely dry and everything was messed up. I now have a couple dresses to get through the next five weeks. Morgan has offered to loan me some clothes, but that doesn't change the fact that my neighbors were extremely inconsiderate. If they had needed to do laundry THAT BADLY, they could have asked and I wouldn't have done it that day. Instead they stopped my load mid-cycle and put everything in the dryer on high. They ruined a bunch of my clothes. I love the guy that lives upstairs, but this was not cool. I'm going to talk to the guy upstairs and work out a schedule for when I can do mine without it getting touched, or I'm going to find somewhere else to wash clothes. I can't afford to just go out and buy more.
   I think I need a mini-vacation. Maybe I can talk my mom into taking Cooper for the weekend so Brandon and I can get the house in order and spend some time decompressing and looking for jobs together.

BRANDON JUST GOT A JOB INTERVIEW. Positive thoughts, please!

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