Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Falling so far behind!

Lately I've been dealing with some crud and it's sapped a lot of my energy. Couple that with Cooper skipping naps all week, and I'm burnt. I'm falling so far behind, and desperately need to get caught up. My house is a wreck right now. I'm getting really sick, so Cooper and I have spent the last two days on the couch, eating English muffins with jelly and watching movies. I did some laundry yesterday, and made a big pot of soup for dinner, but I feel like I could sleep for the next 2 days and still be tired.

I wish I still lived close to Morgan. I used to help her clean her house and drop in to fix dinner from time to time, and eat with their family. It was good for Cooper to get that kind of interaction, and we didn't mind helping out. And when I was overwhelmed or sick, she would do the same. I'm closer to her than any of my sisters, and it's hard living so far away from her without a vehicle. Her car was totaled over a year ago, so she has to rely on using her dad or brother's car to come over, and they aren't available often. I guess I'm just missing having a support system living here.

I am literally embarrassed to have people in my house right now. Cooper's toys are everywhere, and the counter is cluttered with dirty dishes. I can't wait for Brandon to get home so I can take a long shower and do a few loads of dishes. We're going to clean this weekend. Deep clean. Brandon is going to hate it, but I need some help these days. It's only for a little while, and then I'll be back to myself.

I've got dinner on the stove now. I took a break from writing to do a load of dishes and start cooking. Tomorrow is payday, so I'm hoping we can order some pizza or get some burgers or something. I'm craving red meat so badly right now. Burgers would be perfect. Ooh... and fries. I want the largest fry I can get. I want to dip them in a chocolate shake.

It's been a long time since we've had a little wiggle room with our money, and I don't want to do anything drastic, as far as splurging goes, but I would like to have fast food or pizza for dinner one night. Something we don't get often. I'm a big foodie, and between Brandon and I, we always eat great food, and most of our friends eat at our house every chance they get, but sometimes a girl needs something greasy and gross and deep fried.

Cooper has been eating peach oatmeal for snacks, and we've gone through 5 dozen eggs in a month. I love eggs. I can't wait to get groceries so I can make devilled eggs. SOOOO yummy.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Let's look into how we can make this the best holiday season ever!

   It already started off on a positive. Thanksgiving was awesome. We went to my mom's, and this is the first year since I was pregnant with Cooper that no one was uncomfortable. When we go to my dad's, Brandon has never really felt welcome, so he doesn't go over there anymore. He and my dad and stepmother just don't see eye to eye. It's the same with Brandon's family and I. We have a pretty intense history. I'm pretty content with where we're at right now. I have no contact with them, and then no one is uncomfortable. They see Cooper when Brandon is in town, and that's a good thing, because even though I don't want to immerse myself in their lives anymore, they are really good to Cooper, and I'm glad Brandon didn't write them off and walk away from them just because I have differences with them that have proven to be irreconcilable.
   I feel like my family is in a really good place right now in general. Brandon has been working really hard, and found a job he enjoys and is good at. He doesn't love it every day, but most days he comes home in a good mood and tells me about all the stuff he enjoyed about his day and things that made him laugh. It's hard for him to be away from Cooper after being the stay-at-home parent since Cooper was 3 months old, but he feels good finally being able to provide financially. I'm proud of him. As for being a stay-at-home mom, it's an adjustment, but Cooper and I are doing awesome together during the day. I love being the parent at home. It's hard work, harder than any job I've had, but it's the best.
   Every morning around 8 my baby climbs into bed with me and wakes me up with cuddles, asking for breakfast. I make oatmeal or eggs and bacon and English muffins, and we eat breakfast together and play with his cars. Then I do some dishes while Cooper plays with Raymond and his toys. We get dressed and go for a walk or if it's yucky out we play hide and seek, then home for a snack and more playing and coloring. We have lunch around 1, and nap time is at 2. Usually he sleeps for at least an hour and a half, so I can do more dishes and clean up his disaster in the living room from playing all morning and stringing out EVERY TOY HE OWNS. Then I get a little bit of mommy time, which I feel is pretty important for maintaining my sanity. I usually read a little bit or get on the mom forum I just joined, CafeMom. When Coop gets up we eat again and I get out what I'll need to make dinner so Brandon can sit and eat and relax when he gets home. Usually after his nap, Cooper wants to watch a movie or just sit and color. He's a morning baby, and even after his nap, he's burnt out. Until daddy gets home. Then he's so excited to see his FAVORITE PERSON EVER that he's bouncing off the walls again. We all eat dinner together, and play for a while, and watch a movie until Cooper goes to bed around 10. That gives Brandon and I about 2 hours for grown up time before we go to bed. It's a pretty boss schedule.
   Cooper loves to cook and bake with me. Which is awesome because it gives me the opportunity to do those things without having to keep him entertained or worry about him getting into stuff. He likes to pour what I measure, stir things together, taste everything, everything, and run around with potholders on his hands screaming "CRAB CLAW" and getting me.
   I'm lucky Cooper is such a happy, easygoing baby. I'm lucky Brandon is such an incredible dad, and I'm glad I can be the best mom I know how and have the most exceptional child I could hope for. This isn't even just proud momma talk. My son says please and thank you, he is affectionate, he is brave, he's thoughtful of other's feelings, he loves animals and cooking and counting and drawing and music... I could not ask for a better child, and I could not be prouder of my little boy. I'm so excited to see who he grows up to be.
   We're almost caught up, and then by February we'll be ahead. By a lot. I'm a pretty lucky lady. I'm glad we'll be ahead, because we're going to need it around Brandon's birthday, and for all the stuff we have planned for the summer. It's stressful, but all worth it.

Friday, November 16, 2012

I'll tell you why: Because I'm a bit of a masochist.

I feel I should preface this by letting everyone know that I am allergic to cats. Itchy skin, congested sinuses, swollen eyes, mild asthma attacks, misery allergic. Growing up we always had cats anyway, and I just made sure to take my allergy meds and asthma meds and not to pet the animals unless I had doubled up on my allergy pill. Since being with Brandon, we've had one cat. We had her for a little over 2 years before we had to move and couldn't take her with us, and so we had to give her up, which is a bitter and sad story because I loved that cat, and up until the day of the move had been told we could keep her with us. I guess minds just change all of a sudden like that...

Anyway, once LeeLou was gone, I didn't have to have an excessive amount of pills in my cupboard or chemicals in my body, which was nice even though I missed what I considered to be a little member of my family. We decided to never get another cat. Oh, sure. I helped a stray, but we didn't KEEP Toe, for the very reason we decided cats were out of the question. And I was happy with that decision.

Cooper started hanging out at my mom's house, and suddenly became VERY aware of kitties. He wanted every one he came across. He loved them. He'd ask, "Please, mom? Please kitty?" And I, being the sucker of a parent I am, decided to bring it up to Brandon. "Just one little kitten for Cooper. It's smaller than the puppy we were going to get him next year, and easier to take care of, and clean up after." So he said ok. We should both be punch firmly in the head and told to use our brains.

Last night we brought home a few things from my mother's. Cooper got a new toddler bed, so we can get rid of the old twin sized bed he has been sleeping on, that is wretchedly uncomfortable and ugly. He now has an Elmo bed, and he's very excited about it. We also brought home some food for Brandon, who was extremely cranky when Cooper and I got home. Joy. Most importantly, we brought home Cooper's new kitten, Milo.

This morning I am an allergic wreck. I have no meds to help cut the symptoms, other than my handy inhaler, which I needed twice last night. Milo is cute, and very sweet, but I already dislike him for something he has zero control over. Cooper, however, adores him and is supremely happy. Momma's going to have to go buy some allergy pills. Sigh.

Other than being a complete idiot about my health for the sake of my child's happiness, I think I'm doing ok as a mom. I just need to get better at saying no to things that he doesn't need that make mommy feel like poop. I could have gotten him a stuffed cat and I'm sure he would have been happy with that too. Hindsight.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The roaming gnome is lucky he doesn't have to deal with travel companions.

   I'm finally home. After a week away. I missed it. The trip I just went on did NOT go well, and I can honestly say I never want to find myself so far from home and my boys again. Unfortunately, Brandon starts his new job in Boise. Meaning he's spending the week days with his mother until we can get his car fixed. He's also spending week nights there. Cooper and I are alone for the week. So after a week away from my man meat, I still have to go to bed by myself for the next work week. NOT PLEASED.
   When I got home, I was welcomed to fresh brownies and an almost clean house, and I got to give my son all the love he missed out on while I was gone, all at once to catch up. I think I've been driving him a little mad. I don't know what I would do without him. Brandon gave me catch up love, too, but not enough to get me through the week. I'm craving some physical connection to remind me I'm human. Still, I suppose there's not much to be done but to trudge on and look forward to him coming home for the weekend and hopefully more. I'm rather frustrated by my life tonight, but I think it's simply the exhaustion talking. I have not gotten enough sleep. I keep finding myself nodding off.
   After eating nothing but fast food for a week, and what Denny's calls red velvet cheesecake bites (more on those in a bit), I was craving salad. So that's just what I made Coops and I for dinner tonight. It was delicious. Full of veggies, as any good garden salad ought to be, topping with croutons and ranch dressing... it was perfect. We watched Cars 2 while we ate and I thought about some things to sort out and to let go of. I sometimes need a reminder to let go, and a deep breath and a bowl of salad after a week of hellacious travel seemed to be just the trick.
   As for Denny's... they have utterly failed in making red velvet that came close to red, rich, or chocolaty. It was basically white cake batter dyed pink with food dye, then deep fried. This is unacceptable. The white chocolate chips and terrible attempt at icing only added to my disappointment. Denny's: Come on, guys. You're better than this. WE'RE better than this. I think I need some space.
   Anyway, I'm off to bed, I think. I feel like a little old lady as it's only just before 8:30, but I'm tired and ridiculously lonely, so off to bed I hop. Except I can't sleep in my huge bed all by myself, so more like, off to couch I hop.
   Goodnight, internet.

P.S. I suppose I DO make a nice squirrel scarf after all. rofl.