Monday, February 11, 2013

Hey monkey, could you toss me that wrench? I could really use ANOTHER ONE.

   My husband just left for work. No big deal, right? Welcome to Monday morning. Except this Monday is the start of at least a week that Cooper and I have to be without Brandon. We're on our own, we two. I miss him already, because I know he won't be walking in with a little snack or toy for Cooper and a huge, fuzzy man-hug for me at the end of the day. We won't sit down and have dinner together and talk about our day. We won't be able to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie with Cooper until it's his bedtime, and then LoL until ours. I know it's only for a week and maybe a few days next week, but it sucks a lot.

   Every night Cooper checks the clock on the microwave and when it reads 6:30 and I start dinner, he goes to the couch and sits so he can see out the window and wait for his dad. Every single night. It's the one solid hour in the day he sits still. Sometimes he's been running around so much all day, he falls asleep waiting for his daddy to come home. Brandon gets home around 7:30 or 8 normally. I honestly think Coop would stay there all night waiting for him, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe we'll do a special baking project or something to divert his attention as long as possible until bed time. Brandon and Cooper have a really special relationship, and Brandon is an absolutely amazing dad. It's going to be tough not having his help.

   It's just so frustrating, because we're so very close to everything being ok. We're buying a car as soon as we get our tax return. I get my glasses ordered Wednesday, and as soon as they arrive I can get my license and go pick up the van we've picked out at the dealership. Our return is due in on the 18th. We just needed to make it until the morning of the 19th and everything would have been great. We'd have a car, our bills are paid, Brandon would have a reliable ride to work every day. But no. He was getting a ride from a woman that works his schedule at his job and lives in Nampa, but she can't give him a ride anymore because of her child care situation, and he has no one else out here. So now he's gone for a week minimum.

   It's going to be ok. I know it is. We're going to get through it and be ok. I'm just a little emotional right now, and feeling pretty isolated, and the one person I have out here is now gone for a while and that scares me. I love Brandon. We've had our problems, but he's always, ALWAYS, tried to do the best he could. He's never given up on me or us, and he kept me fighting sometimes, and being pregnant and hormonal I feel really vulnerable and I don't really have anyone else I talk to when something's bugging me. Morgan is always so busy now, and I'm a talker. I tend to want to cleanse everything I'm feeling by talking about it, getting it all out so I can focus on a solution. I've never needed anyone before Brandon, because I had my sister and my best friend, but I haven't talked to my sister in about 7 months.

   I'm making cupcakes tonight. Big, fluffy, moist white cupcakes. I might go buy a couple vanilla beans and make them extra special. With airy whipped vanilla frosting and berries. Cooper and I are going to eat cupcakes with every meal this week. We're going to bake something every day. Today it's cupcakes. Tomorrow, Nutella no-bake cookies, and the day after, miniature lemon meringue pies or maybe lemon bars. Something lemon. Thursday we'll make honey oat cake with berries and cream, and Friday we'll make Japanese cheesecake, since Brandon loves cheesecake and he's coming home for the weekend on Friday night.

   Something about baking just makes stress melt away. Some people come up with all of their best ideas and solutions in the shower or while they sleep, I do it while elbow deep in flour and butter and sugar. I've decided I AM going to change my major and switch to the culinary program. I'm going to own my dessert truck and bake for people all the time. Brandon will be home in a little more than a week, and life will be good.

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