Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Rough start, but it's time to wake up refreshed.

   Yesterday was a great day for me. I got my license, I got to spend time with some really special people, and I changed my last name finally, which was awesome. I mean, I love my dad, but that name was such a pain. No one could pronounce it right the first time. It's not even that hard. It's totally phonetic. Stupid people. Brandon even cleaned the house while I was out running my errands and passing my driving test. My step-mom took Cooper for the night so we'd have some adult time for my birthday, which is today.
   The only problem was that I was super happy and had a huge weight off my shoulders because we now have reliable transportation, and Brandon was so stressed about not having a paycheck for a couple weeks that he just sort of shut out reality. Including me. He barely spoke to me all day. He spent most of the time playing video games with our friends, and even people he didn't like, but when I got on to play with him we played one game and he said he knew he shouldn't have played. It hurt my feelings pretty bad. I wanted to celebrate progress and spend time with my husband and be happy. Instead I sat on the couch alone watching The Omen and true crime shows while he ignored me and my requests that he spend time with me, until he went to bed without me. I ended up falling asleep alone on the couch because every time I got up to go to bed I just got sad that such a great day had ended that way. I meant to go to bed. I really did. I just... never quite made it. So I woke up alone on my birthday, all the lights still on and a stiff arm.
   I know a big part of it was that I'm overly sensitive right now. Freaking hormones. I'm trying really hard to have a handle on myself, but I have pretty big reactions to stuff anyway, so it's been a challenge. I also know that when he's stressed, he needs space. He distances himself so he can analyze the situation and either find a solution or come to terms with what's happening. It just sucks that the timing for his turtle day was just right for my day to really be relieved. I wish it had been different.
   Today is my birthday. I may have woken up all wrong, and yesterday might have ended on a very low note after such astonishingly fabulous progress, but today is going to be a good freaking day. I'm going to take a shower, do my make-up, and get ready for a midwife appointment. After the appointment I'm going to go see my best friend. We've spent every single birthday eating cake together (or at least over the phone together) for the last 13 years, and I'm not going to break that tradition. I'm going to spend time with my kiddo, maybe take him to our favorite park since it's supposed to be cooler today, and make pasta and Italian sausage for dinner. I'm not going to let anyone be cranky at me, and if they try, I WILL make them smile if it freaking kills me.

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