Our beta fish, George Fish, died about 2 months ago. Coop STILL asks where the fish went when he goes potty, because his old bowl is on the bathroom counter until I can figure out what to do with it, and since we might get a new fish for Coop. Finally today I decided I would just explain it as best I could, because clearly just telling him the fish was gone was not sufficient. "But WHERE Fish, Momma? WHERE?" We sat down and colored, and while we colored, I told him that sometimes when things get very old, they get to go somewhere special. That when they go, they leave their body behind so they can go fast and jump high and dance all the time. I explained that that is where George Fish went, to a special place where he could swim and have fun. Cooper asked if Fish plays there, and if there's a slide, and I told him of course there was. What kind of super cool place DOESN'T have a slide? That seemed to suffice, and he hasn't asked again today.
I guess I wasn't prepared to have the death talk with my 2-year-old, but at the same time, I'm kind of glad we did, because now we can talk about it without it being scary or difficult. I have always felt like the best way to handle parenting is to be honest with my son at an age appropriate level. I'm agnostic, and would like to believe in a beautiful afterlife, so I just gave him the simplest version of death and an afterlife that I could. I'm not sure he understands, but he seemed to let it go after. As he gets older I'm sure I'll have to explain it better and give him more details and different beliefs, but for now, it worked. I just feel sort of Atticus Finch-esque being so open with him about such adult topics, and like maybe it was TOO honest for a 2-year-old. Who knows? There's not a manual for this stuff. It seemed to make him feel better that his Fish was somewhere with a slide though, so maybe it was just the right amount of honesty about death with just the right amount of childlike joy and simplistic explanation. I sure hope so.
Since the nausea has subsided enough that I'm eating and keeping down almost everything now, it's time to fill out my nutrition chart. Every day for a week I'm supposed to write down what and how much I eat. I started today, and I realized how often I actually eat, but how small the portions are. On the plus side almost everything is healthy, except the handful of Cooper's potty training gummy bears I sneaked in after my cottage cheese and carrots. Tonight I'm going to make Nutella no-bake cookies, but all things considered, even they are pretty healthy compared to what we could be eating. I can't have peanut butter, so I replace the peanut butter and cocoa powder with Nutella, and I cut the sugar down from 2 cups to 1 1/2 cups because they were much too sweet for me. So yummy.
Cooper is getting so close to being potty trained! Today he's used the potty 4 times, and let me know when he had to poop, even though we didn't quite make it because he was wearing footie pajamas. He's been wearing his big boy underwear since after the poop, and hasn't had an accident. I am so stinking proud of him and his progress. Our goal was to potty train as soon as possible when he started showing signs of being ready, but every time we'd get close to underwear ready, he'd stay somewhere for a weekend and no one was consistent, and he'd come back and not want to potty train any more. We've come to the conclusion that he won't be staying anywhere if they won't consistently work with him. It's going to suck telling Joann, because she hasn't wanted to do the potty training thing, but she wants to take him most weekends. Hopefully she can understand where I'm coming from and either agree to ditch the diapers, or wait until he's making it to the potty to take him.
My mom has already agreed to keep up with the potty training if he's over there, and Inez works with him all the time. I think having a lot of encouragement has really gotten him interested again. I'm excited. It would be great if Cooper was using the big potty by himself by the time Baby is born. I'm honestly starting to get really excited about Baby. I'm 15 weeks and 2 days, and it's awesome. I'm getting closer and closer to feeling completely ok. We just need to make it past 21 weeks and I'll really be ready to start preparing in earnest, making the big purchases, arranging the house, planning the shower since after a pretty long discussion we decided to have one and I highly doubt anyone will throw one for us, and figuring out who we want in the room, and how I would prefer to birth this baby. With Cooper I labored in water and birthed on a bed, but I'm not sure that's how I want to have Baby.
Morgan is giving me her fetal heart monitor to get me to relax until I'm more comfortable. And once I can feel more than flutters as far as movement, I'll be much more mellow. Right now I'm still a little tense, even though I just KNOW everything is going to be ok.
Brandon is starting to be more involved. He's asking questions and talking to my belly sometimes, and having honest conversations with me about how he's feeling. He's still really stressed, but I think he's starting to realize that we CAN do this. We've learned so much in the last 2 years, and we're finally making choices I can be proud of and not have to second guess. We've got this. And if Baby brings half as much to our little family as Cooper has, then we will be so lucky to have them in our lives it's not even funny. Cooper is getting excited, even though I'm not sure he gets what's going on. I've explained to him that there is a baby in my tummy, and that he was a little baby once, and came from me, just like this baby will, and just like Allison came from Morgan. I've explained that this baby is made out of mommy and daddy, so he or she will look like us and Cooper, and be absolutely beautiful and perfect and smart just like Cooper is. I've told him that he's going to be a big brother, and have someone to play with and to teach how to do stuff, and that he must always share with and be sweet to Baby. We watched videos of new babies, and he gets really excited when I tell him that we're going to have a little baby just like that, and that he's such a big boy Baby will want to be with him and play all the time.
I think when he starts figuring it out, I'll start prepping him for having a little more independence since there will be times I won't be readily available to look at his toy or get his milk right away. Again, there's not really a manual for this stuff, and I don't want the transition from only child to big brother to be too scary for him or happen without a little explanation. Maybe I'm expecting too much comprehension from him, but I'd rather try. I'm still going to make sure Cooper gets plenty of one on one mommy time, but it's going to be different for him and there's no avoiding it. Sometimes I wish I was going to have some extra help for a couple weeks after Baby is born, but I just don't have that. Maybe I'll figure something out. Someone to take Cooper to the park or feed the baby so I can do something special with my little man once a day. And having a little help with the housework and meal prep would be nice. Maybe I'll hire a cousin or something.
Time to pop the lasagna in the oven. It's not from scratch tonight, since I still can't cook raw meat without puking over and over, and my herb plants died in our freezing house. It's still going to be pretty yummy though. I'm kind of excited. I love lasagna night.